Self-destructive behavior
by ShadowsOnTheMoon
Summary: "Part of me thinks this is really self-destructive behavior, but most of me just thinks it's really hot." What if Spencer had met Ezra first? A series of one-shots about what could have been. Mostly fluff. *on hiatus*
1. Hello, Ezra

**So, I secretly think that Spencer and Ezra would be so cute together. Don't get me wrong, I love Ezria, but Spezra is like my guilty pleasure ship. This will just be a series of one-shots about what could have happened if she'd met him first. I'm not sure how many there'll be; depends how motivated I am and how many people are interested in reading them. So if you read this and like it, let me know. Enjoy. :)**

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For a smart girl, Spencer Hastings had made a lot of stupid decisions – not the least of which was Ezra Fitz. He was several years older than her, had already been through college before she'd even graduated from high school, and, oh yeah, he was also her English teacher. When she met him she'd had no idea he was going to be _her_ teacher; she kept reminding herself of that, as if it made the whole affair somehow excusable. But if she was really honest with herself, she knew that the secrecy, the rebelliousness, the _wrongness_ of it, just made it more exciting.

She stopped outside the door to his apartment, nervously straightening her skirt and running a hand through her hair. She checked her reflection in her little compact mirror, then tucked it back into her bag. She raised her hand and gave three short raps on the door. A moment later it swung open. Without even a greeting Ezra grabbed her hand and pulled her inside, closing the door as he pushed her up against it in one smooth move.

"Hey handsome," she greeted him.

"No talking," he murmured.

"Yes, sir," she said, grinning against his lips.

She'd been with other people before him. Wren, who was adorable but so not her type; Ian, who was kind of a jerk but hid it well; Toby, who was quirky and loyal but was too mysterious for her liking. One by one they'd walked out of her life, and she'd watched them go with sadness and longing, but once that door closed she moved on. But the relationship she had with Ezra was more like a revolving door: whenever one of them would walk away, the momentum would just carry them right back through that door again.

They made their way over to the couch, barely coming up for air in between kisses, and tumbled onto it. She ended up on top, which was how she liked it. As she started unbuttoning his shirt one of the buttons flew off, skidding across the floor and coming to a stop a few feet away. It made her giggle because the same thing had happened the first time they'd been together, which had been awkward and rushed and incredibly fun. Just the first of many.

"You have a gorgeous smile," he complimented her softly, sweeping some of the hair away from her face and cupping her chin. "Your lips are so…"

"My lips are good for other things," she teased, running a finger down his arm.

She loved feeling him shiver beneath her touch, like grass trembling in the wind. She finished unbuttoning his shirt and he sat up slightly so she could pull it off. She tossed it to the floor and took a moment to appreciate just what that plain maroon shirt had been concealing. Ezra raised an eyebrow, smiling in the knowledge that even after all this time he could still have this effect on her. Then he reached up and took off her shirt, throwing it to the ground on top of a pile of English essays needing to be marked, and his nimble fingers got to work unhooking her bra.

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	2. Handcuffs

**Bagilia, I think it's awesome you ship them a li'l bit now (and thank you so much for your lovely words!). I like both Spoby and Ezria, but Spezra's still pretty fun. And Guest, thank you for the review. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**  
**These one-shots aren't going to be in any kind of chronological order, nor will they go together to make a cohesive story. Each will be based on a different/idea prompt and will therefore stand alone. ****_If you guys have any prompts or ideas for me, send me a PM or leave me a review and I'll see what I can do._**  
**The prompt for this chapter was 'handcuffs'. Let me know what you think!**

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Spencer and Ezra were lying on his bed together, his hand draped lazily around her shoulders and her head resting on his bare chest. She listened to the steady sound of his heartbeat, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing, and thought that nothing had even been as wonderful as this.

"This is perfect," she said, tracing circles on his warm skin.

He picked her hand up and brought it to his mouth, kissing it gently. "This is wrong, you know," he reminded her softly.

"I know." She looked up, aiming to rest her gaze on his eyes, but she was distracted by his lips. She placed a finger on them, then ran her hand down his chin and cupped his face. "But it's worth it."

He was silent for a moment, contemplative. Although it unsettled her a little – he was usually the one to initiate their temporary breakups, claiming that 'this isn't right' and 'we shouldn't be doing this' – she knew better than to interrupt him while he was thinking.

"I don't want to lose you," he said after a while.

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. "You're not going to lose me, Ezra."

Although he was usually quick with his words, he didn't say anything at first. Instead he ran his hands through her hair, then twirled a strand around his fingers. "If anyone found out about this, I could get arrested."

"I don't know, I kind of like the thought of you in handcuffs," she teased.

"Well actually I have some here -" he joked, making as if he was going to get out of the bed.

She tugged him back down onto the mattress, giggling. "Don't tempt me," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He pulled her in for a searing kiss and her hands roamed all over his body, feeling the electricity shoot between them, sensing his heart speed up as she touched him, hearing him let out a little moan of pleasure as she hit the right spot. Then she pulled away, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and he let himself fall face-first onto the mattress with a growl of frustration.

"You're such a tease," he complained.

"I'm not going to deny that," she said, sliding her feet into a pair of his old slippers, "but I _am_ going to make you breakfast. What do you want?"

He took a moment to sort through his responses, most of which were definitely inappropriate to say to a high school girl. But then again, what about their relationship _wasn't_ inappropriate?

"Toast is fine," he said, pulling himself into an upright position and scanning the room for his pants. Somehow they'd ended up halfway across the room. "Could you -?" he asked, gesturing to them.

Spencer leaned against the counter, tapping a spoon against her cheek thoughtfully. She looked from the pants to Ezra and back again, and then she shrugged. "I could."

But she didn't.

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	3. Muffins

**Bagilia, thank you for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying this, and that you're taking the time to let me know - without your reviews I may not be able to find the motivation to keep sharing this.**

**Anyway. The prompt for this chapter was 'muffins'. Yep, that's it. Just 'muffins'. It's not one of my best one-shots, but it still has some cute moments. So R&R, everyone. :)**

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Today was special. They didn't get to go out often, but it was the weekend and they'd managed to escape to Philly for the day. Ezra knew this out-of-the-way little coffee shop where the chance of running into anyone they knew was practically zero, and they were thoroughly enjoying the freedom.

"Blueberry or chocolate?" Spencer asked, holding up the muffins in question.

Ezra looked up from his coffee, adopting an air of exaggerated thoughtfulness as he considered the question.

Spencer noticed that his eyes were a little lower than they needed to be. "Eyes up here, mister," she said, waggling her eyebrows.

"But that's not where the muffins are," he replied.

She stifled a giggle at the double-entendre. He blushed; apparently he'd meant the sentence innocently. That was one of the things she loved about him. If any other guy had said that, they would have been sleazy or lecherous. But with Ezra it was endearing, because she knew he meant no harm by it. He never pressured her, never pushed her, and most of the time it was Spencer initiating everything.

"Chocolate," he mumbled, still embarrassed.

She set it down on his plate and nibbled delicately at the edge of the remaining muffin.

"You're cute when you're embarrassed," she said.

"Well I'm about to get very adorable," he replied, reaching down beside him.

She tilted her head, wondering where he was going with this, and watched as he pulled a small black notebook from his bag. He opened it to the first page and handed it to her, and then he suddenly seemed to find his napkin very interesting, turning his attention to it and avoiding her gaze.

She could count on one hand all the times he'd been this coy, and usually it led to something she would never tell her parents about. Heck, she hadn't even told her friends yet. It was better this way, safer if nobody else knew.

The first page was filled with Ezra's neat, flowing handwriting. It was a poem, simply entitled 'Her'. She looked up at him, a smile blossoming on her face. "You wrote this?"

He nodded.

"For me," she said, not quite believing it. No one had ever written something like this to her; she'd never even had any real love letters. She'd never thought of herself as a muse, as someone capable of inspiring creative impulses or pretty phrases.

"About you," he added.

She read the poem again, and then once more for good measure. Her smile was so bright and beautiful that Ezra was momentarily blinded by it. Like looking into the sun, he was worried that if his gaze lingered too long he would never be able to see any beauty again.

"How do you write so beautifully?" she asked quietly.

"I have a damn good muse."

"Yeah?" She leaned across, giving him a tantalising kiss that he wished would last forever.

"Yeah." He pulled her back to him, never wanting to let her go.

"I love the way you write," she added as they separated and she handed him back the book. But he tore the page out, folded it up, and slid it into her hand without a word. She looked up at him again, her eyes glowing with affection. "Teach me."

And suddenly she wasn't talking about writing anymore.

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**If I get enough interest I may well write/share the poem, so let me know if you'd want to read that. Also, I'm running low on prompts here, so if you have any Spezra scenes you want me to write, or if you have any words/phrases/objects/situations you want me to include, please do let me know and I'll see what I can do. Thanks, guys!**


	4. Extra credit

**Hi guys! Sorry for the very long wait. Fluff is not my natural territory, and that combined with exams/working on other stories/seemingly having a social life, means I just haven't had the time/enthusiasm to work on this lately. But seriously, how great were the Spezra scenes in 4x02? This needs to be a thing. But in the meantime, here's a bit of fluff to keep you all satisfied. Now that I'm on break/have mostly finished writing S is for Salvation (which I'm insanely proud of, so if you aren't reading that, I humbly suggest that you give it a go) I should have more time and energy to write this, so I hope I'll be seeing you all soon. :)**

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Spencer had always been a model student. She was a Hastings, she was a perfectionist, and she never got below an A (well, there was that one time she got a B in an econ test, but she maintains that was because the room was so poorly ventilated it had given her a distracting headache – totally the school's fault, of course). She was bright, focused, 'switched on' as her teachers put it (while her friends affectionately deemed it 'full-on nerd mode').

However, she was not by any means a good liar. She wasn't good at hiding her feelings for someone, mostly because she had never before _had_ any such feelings to hide. She was still unfamiliar with that butterfly-in-the-stomach sensation, and the tingles she got every time Ezra smiled at her still caught her by surprise. She was used to feeling excited about extra credit essays and test scores, not movie nights and cheesy coffeeshop dates and the kind of 'extracirriculars' that most certainly would not look good on her college application.

Even after she met Ezra, she was still a dedicated student. There was just that one class, those five periods a week, when she couldn't concentrate. She would try to take notes, ask the right questions, and pay attention; but half the time she was so excited at the prospect of seeing Ezra that she didn't even remember to bring the right book.

Today she was trying to work through symbolism in _To Kill A Mockingbird_, which was difficult because all she had with her was her history book.

"Aria," she whispered, leaning towards her friend.

"What?" Aria whispered back, shooting a glance at the teacher to make sure he wasn't watching (little did she know that the most Mr Fitz would do was give them a stern look; it would probably put a damper on his relationship if he gave a detention to his girlfriend - although if he was the one supervising detention, and she was the only one in it… well, that had potential).

Spencer held up her history book. "I forgot my book. Can I share yours?"

"Geez, Spence, this is the third time this week," Aria said, but she scooted closer so they could both read. "Why are you so distracted anyway?"

It took a lot of effort to force herself not to look up at Mr Fitz, who was currently writing on the board. "I've got a lot on my mind," Spencer mumbled, hoping her friend would drop the subject.

She didn't want to think about how her friends would react if they found out about her relationship, although that wasn't to say that she _hadn't_ thought about it. Hanna would probably be impressed ("You scored a hottie like Fitz? Spence, you've been holding out on us!"), Aria would be a little more cautious ("But he's your teacher, Spence, are you sure that's a good idea?"), and Emily would try to be supportive but end up trailing off ("Spence, I want you to be happy, we all do, but I think… I mean…").

The bell rang then, and Spencer was so startled that she dropped Aria's copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_. Ezra looked up to see what the commotion was, and for one tantalising moment their eyes met. Then she looked away, picked up Aria's book, and shoved it at her without looking. "Thanks."

"No problem," Aria replied, looking at her suspiciously as she slid her book into her bag.

They rose from their seats and headed for the door, but just before Spencer reached it a voice called out from behind her.

"Miss Hastings, would you mind staying behind for a moment? I'd like to talk to you about your extra credit essay."

"Sure, Mr Fitz." Spencer ducked out of the crowd, shot Aria an apologetic look, and walked over to his desk.

He waited until the last students had filed out before closing the door and turning to Spencer, a mischievous glint in his eyes. She cocked an eyebrow.

"You do know I didn't actually submit an essay, right?" she asked playfully.

"Oh, I know," he said, flashing her a smile and taking a few steps closer.

He paused when he was just a step away, and she felt her heartbeat quicken until she thought it would burst out of her chest. She wanted him to hold her, kiss her, have all of her, and even the thought of what would happen if they were caught couldn't stop her from reaching out and running a gentle finger down his cheek. He let it linger there for only a second before he grabbed her hand and pulled her in close.

She could smell the coffee on his breath, feel the warmth of his body, found herself melting into his embrace, as he leaned toward her and said the closest thing to innuendo that she'd ever heard him utter, something that made her heart speed up so much she was surprised he couldn't hear it.

"But I do know some ways you could earn some extra credit."

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**nainalovespll and Bagilia - thank you for your reviews/suggestions last chapter. I'm going to try to write a chapter on each of the ideas you gave me, so stay tuned. And thank you, Emma! It's always great to meet another Spezra shipper, especially one who's nice enough to leave a review. :)**


	5. Truth or Dare

**Hello, my lovely patient readers. I'm still technically on hiatus now (hoping to be back in a week or two at most) but I realized that I'd finished this chapter, so I figured I may as well share - you guys have waited so long (has it really been three months? My bad). So thanks for the reviews, here's the next chapter, don't forget to let me know what you think. Oh, also, I'm debating adding some longer one-shots or possibly even two-shots in this story, probably with more drama/angst/maybe a bit of tragedy (I can't live on fluff forever), so would you guys be interested in that? Anyway, see you next chapter. :)**

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A lot can happen in a game of Truth or Dare, especially when all the players are intoxicated. Although Spencer had told herself she'd only have a drink or two, she was now on her sixth and her mental faculties were suffering as a result. She wasn't quite as far gone as Hanna was – the blonde was sitting down across from her, and every now and then she would just suddenly start leaning to one side, as if gravity worked differently for her – but she was definitely not functioning to her fullest ability.

That's why, when Aria had asked her 'Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?' she had drunkenly admitted the truth. _Yes_. Just one word, but the effect it had on the girls was intense and immediate. Now the other three girls were probing her for information, and she was doing her best to change the subject.

"So whose turn is it?" she asked, watching Emily spin a bottle cap on the table and then groan in frustration as it tumbled to the floor.

"I don't care." Hanna sat up straighter, gripping the sides of the couch to stop herself from overbalancing. She was talking more loudly than usual, excitement and alcohol making her more outgoing. "I want to know who you have a crush on!"

"Guys." Spencer set her cup back on the table and clasped her hands in her lap, giving her friends what she hoped was a stern look. "It doesn't matter. Let's just move on, okay?"

"No," Aria said, swirling a straw through her drink – a cocktail of her own creation, something so sweet the other girls couldn't stomach it. "We're not just going to move on. We want to know who it is."

"And do you luuurve him?" Hanna crooned, giggling.

Spencer held up her hands, silently trying to ward off further questions. But her friends would not be dissuaded.

"Come on, Spence," Emily urged. "You can tell us anything. If you tell us which teacher you have a crush on, I'll tell you about the time I kissed a girl."

The other three exchanged a glance.

"Em," Hanna said, her face a mask of seriousness, "you're _gay_."

An awkward pause followed, and then all four girls burst out laughing. Hanna was laughing so hard she actually fell off the chair, and when Aria tried to help her up she tumbled to the ground too. Spencer laughed along with them, all the while hoping they'd forget about the question. They didn't.

"So who is he?" Aria asked from her place on the floor. She had one arm wrapped around Hanna and the other one was still holding her cup.

"I bet it's that History teacher," Hanna said, her words slurring. "You know, that sub we had last week?"

"No!" Emily said excitedly. "It's the French teacher you had last year. And who could blame you, with that accent?"

Emily and Hanna spent the next few minutes speaking in drunken and very broken French, and Spencer didn't bother to correct them. Aria, meanwhile, was looking at Spencer with intense concentration.

"What?" Spencer asked, shifting her position so that her body was inclined more towards Aria. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Aria kept staring at her for a moment, and then she stood up, shakily pulling Hanna to her feet. Then she spun in a circle, flinging out her arms and saying in a dramatic voice, "I know who Spencer likes!"

Spencer spoke around the lump in her throat. "What?"

"I know who you like!" Aria said again, and the others waited expectantly. Spencer felt her heart rate increase with every passing second. Aria caught her eye and then announced, "It's Mr Fitz!"

Spencer Hastings was rarely caught by surprise, and even more rarely unable to recover from it. In this case, however, she was totally stunned. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to remember how to speak. How the heck did Aria know? "Why do you think that?"

"I've seen the way you look at him," Aria said, sinking down into a chair as her legs started swaying. "Good taste, by the way. Fitz is pretty cute."

"Those legs!" Hanna added, giggling. "They're to die for."

"And his voice," Emily said, pretending to fan herself. "I could listen to him all day."

They carried on like this for ten minutes, never giving Spencer a chance to confirm or deny anything. She sat back and listened to them talk, smiling quietly to herself. Let them think what they wanted to think. After a while the conversation trailed off, and then Hanna remembered they were meant to be playing Truth or Dare and there was a flurry of activity as they tried to figure out whose turn it was.

Spencer felt like this was a trap, but she played along anyway. When she picked Dare for her turn, though, the wicked smile on Hanna's face was enough to let her know she'd made a mistake.

"I dare you…" Hanna drew the words out, her smile widening, "to call Mr Fitz. Right now."

"Uh." Spencer looked from her to Aria and Emily, who just grinned back. "I don't have his number."

"What a weak excuse," Hanna scoffed.

"I have his number!" Aria shouted, and dashed from the room before anybody could react. She came back a minute later with a small black notebook, which she started flicking through as she resumed her seat. She stopped at a page near the back, her finger landing on a line near the top of the page. "It's my mom's address book," she explained to her confused friends. "She has the numbers of all of her colleagues in here. And look, it's Mr Fitz!"

Running low on excuses and the energy to fight her friends, she shrugged, took the book from Aria, and carefully dialled the number, doing her best to make it look like she'd never called it before. She handed the book back to Aria, listening while the phone rang. It kept ringing, and then it went to voicemail. Equal parts disappointed and relieved - she did want to talk to him, even if it had to be in front of her friends – she hung up and tucked her phone back into her pocket. "No luck," she said.

"That's too bad, Spence," Hanna said with mock compassion. "You two would make a cute couple."

Spencer found herself blushing, and she hoped the others were too drunk to notice. They had no idea.

"I wonder what it would be like to kiss him," Aria mused, lying down on her back and staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling.

Little did her friends know, but she didn't have to wonder at all. She knew exactly what it was like, and even she, with her stacks of medals from speaking and writing competitions, couldn't find the words to explain it. It didn't matter, though; there were some secrets she was quite content to keep to herself.

"Yeah," Spencer said absently, smiling to herself, "I wonder."

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